I sit right next to the printer at work. Besides the extraordinarily annoying noise that the machine itself makes, this location can be very distracting. When I don’t have my headphones on (or even sometimes when I do), I can hear everything that everyone says.
I am an observer by nature, and people- watching is a special hobby of mine. So the constant stream of people that passes my desk every day has led to a lot of interesting observations. I swear, people don’t realize that the printer is out in the open. They have full-on conversations with themselves, with the printer, and periodically with actual other humans. And I can hear them all.
For the past few days, I have kept a running list of all of the ridiculous things I have overheard while just sitting at my desk, minding my own business, attempting to work. Here are the best ones:
- “It’s scary because it’s a laser and it’s near your brain.”
(No idea what the context of this conversation was. But, yes, that does sound scary.)
- “It doesn’t ask for much. Just needs a little attention.”
(I feel like to truly appreciate this you have to imagine a man muttering under his breath to the printer.)
- “We’re cutting class and wandering the halls.”
- “I’ll just be over here…crying.”
(I feel your pain, bro.)
- “I like to hum the music from Jaws to get myself going.”
(I don’t know who this person is, but I want them to be my best friend.)
- “She’s been abducted by aliens.”
- “Are you going to hand out Solo cups and give us all beers?”
(This has actually happened at my office, so not really that weird to overhear)
- “Yeah, but today’s not yesterday!”
(I’m not sure if this is profound or just nonsense.)
- “Let’s go stuff cookies in our faces.”
(I can neither confirm nor deny that I was the one who said this.)
- “Try coconut oil. You can use it for anything.”
(I included this solely because I am obsessed with coconut oil, and I like to find fellow believers.)
I work with some nutjobs, but its okay, because I’m one too. I mean, what’s crazier? Saying the things these people said, or writing down the things these people said? The world may never know.