Honesty Time

Keeping it real since 2013

Things I Overheard at the Printer

2 Comments

I sit right next to the printer at work. Besides the extraordinarily annoying noise that the machine itself makes, this location can be very distracting. When I don’t have my headphones on (or even sometimes when I do), I can hear everything that everyone says.

I am an observer by nature, and people- watching is a special hobby of mine. So the constant stream of people that passes my desk every day has led to a lot of interesting observations. I swear, people don’t realize that the printer is out in the open. They have full-on conversations with themselves, with the printer, and periodically with actual other humans. And I can hear them all.

For reference about how close I really am, here is the printer, along with my Grumpy Cat picture and my To Do List sitting on my desk.

For reference about how close I really am, here is the printer, along with my Grumpy Cat picture and my To Do List sitting on my desk.

For the past few days, I have kept a running list of all of the ridiculous things I have overheard while just sitting at my desk, minding my own business, attempting to work. Here are the best ones:

  • “It’s scary because it’s a laser and it’s near your brain.”

(No idea what the context of this conversation was. But, yes, that does sound scary.)

  •  “It doesn’t ask for much. Just needs a little attention.”

(I feel like to truly appreciate this you have to imagine a man muttering under his breath to the printer.)

  • “We’re cutting class and wandering the halls.”

(…what?)

  • “I’ll just be over here…crying.”

(I feel your pain, bro.)

  • “I like to hum the music from Jaws to get myself going.”

(I don’t know who this person is, but I want them to be my best friend.)

  • “She’s been abducted by aliens.”

 (Sure.)

  • “Are you going to hand out Solo cups and give us all beers?”

(This has actually happened at my office, so not really that weird to overhear)

  • “Yeah, but today’s not yesterday!”

(I’m not sure if this is profound or just nonsense.)

  • “Let’s go stuff cookies in our faces.”

(I can neither confirm nor deny that I was the one who said this.)

  • “Try coconut oil. You can use it for anything.”

(I included this solely because I am obsessed with coconut oil, and I like to find fellow believers.)

I work with some nutjobs, but its okay, because I’m one too. I mean, what’s crazier? Saying the things these people said, or writing down the things these people said? The world may never know.

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Author: Lori

Lori is a writer living and working in New Jersey. Her greatest literary influences are Dr. Seuss, JK Rowling, and Harriet the Spy.

2 thoughts on “Things I Overheard at the Printer

  1. I need to know more about this coconut oil, I have an unopened jar in my kitchen right now.

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