“Advice from a Tic Tac Challenge Champion”
It’s finally here, ladies and gents. Our favorite week of the month, when I take up an hour and a half of my friends’ time to ask them questions that no one wants to know the answers to! This month, I interviewed Kaely Phelps about everything from cupcakes to bathrobes to bros.
Kaely: Hola. Are you ready? I’m nervous.
Lori: Hey. Don’t be. No pressure.
Kaely: OK, good.
Lori: Alright well, I figure we can start with an easy one. How do you guys like the new apartment/Philly?
Kaely: It’s good! It took us like 3 weeks to really feel settled. Mostly because we ordered a bunch of kitchen stuff and curtains online and the package got lost. It’s hard to feel at home when you’re running around from room to room at night or after the shower so that the neighbors can’t see you naked.
Lori: Now that we know how much you and Kunaal like the apartment, now I need to know the really important thing…how does Beans like it?
Kaely: Beans hasn’t seen it yet. I’m a bad mommy and I left him at home- for now. I’m going to get him when I go back next, I think it will be better if he sees it all set up first, less startling.
Lori: That’s true. It will feel more like a home then.
Kaely: We miss him terribly though.
Lori: I’m sure you do. I don’t want to make you cry, so I’ll move on to a happier topic. Namely, cupcakes. What is your favorite kind?
Kaely: Is that a serious question? How am I supposed to pick one? I had a really great salted caramel cupcake a few days ago so that one is fresh in my mind, but really that’s like asking me to pick my favorite vital organ. I need all of them.
Lori: My favorite is my left lung. I think the next question might cause a similar dilemma as the cupcake question: what is your favorite Taylor Swift song?
Kaely: Nah, that one’s easier. It’s definitely Fearless. I’m not really into her new stuff. If I ever get the chance to sing karaoke that will be my song.
Lori: One day I would like to see that happen.
Kaely: You’ll probably be involved; I don’t see myself singing karaoke with anyone other than you guys actually.
Lori: Yeah, I feel like every time we get together we pretty much do sing karaoke; it’s just not usually in front of other people.
Kaely: It’s usually Backstreet Boys. In someone’s car.
Lori: In the parking lot of a bar.
Look we made a poem.
Kaely: I was just thinking that.
Lori: OK so in college, we were obsessed with doing Facebook quizzes out loud, and we decided to create our own. I thought it would be fun if you answered those questions.
Kaely: So excited!
Lori: Number 1…How often do you take pre-dinner naps?
Kaely: Not as much as I’d like to anymore, maybe 2x a week? On average. Eh no, make that once. It’s been a while.
Lori: What are your feelings about waffles?
Kaely: LOVE THEM. On Monday nights. In the Commons. Followed by Tic Tacs.
Lori: This isn’t a question on the quiz but can you explain the Tic Tac Challenge? The world needs to know.
Kaely: I agree. The Tic Tac Challenge is where every person present and willing takes a Tic Tac, and then at the same time, everyone puts it in their mouth and waits to see who can make theirs last the longest. I’ll give you a tip too: the key is to not move it around too much, but also not like it get too saliva-y.
Lori: You heard it hear, folks. Rare advice from a Tic Tac Challenge champion.
Kaely: I feel a Tic Tac craving right now.
Lori: I don’t think anyone in the history of the world has ever said they were craving a Tic Tac.
Kaely: Well, there’s a first time for everything, I guess.
Lori: Next question: What color is your bathrobe?
Kaely: Yellow with blue flowers.
Lori: Which came first, the bunny or the egg?
Kaely: Definitely the bunny because the egg couldn’t carry the bunny.
Lori: Remember Baby Binks?
Kaely: The chocolate bunny with googly eyes?
Lori: Yup. We turned him into an Easter Turducken*.
*As a side note, I think you should all click this link. But if you don’t, at least read this line: “Many children wonder around Easter how it is that bunnies lay eggs. As a side benefit, Easter turducken illustrates clearly that this “theory” is wrong. Obviously bunnies lay chickens, which then lay the eggs. Mystery solved.”
Yes, this is actually something Kaely and I did when we lived together in college.
Lori: Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with an X?
Kaely: No. I wish. That sounds cool.
Lori: Are you, have you ever been, or will you ever be, 16 and pregnant?
Kaely: I’m not, haven’t been yet, but who know what the future holds.
Lori: What’s your favorite nut bucket ingredient?
Kaely: Mini peanut butter cups from Trader Joes and dried pineapple.
Lori: What would you do if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor?
Kaely: Well, the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money. Assuming that he’s hungry.
Lori: Well, that is why he’s crying.
What will you name your first 12 children?
Kaely: I think I’ll probably just number them.
Lori: You should name them 1-13 but skip number 7 or something just to confuse people.
Kaely: Yeah! But then people might assume that something bad happened to that one. Maybe they’d never ask and it would be like a family mystery.
Lori: That could be fun. Do you break bread the homeless way?
Lori: How many Silly Bandz do you have?
Kaely: Too many, but I don’t know where they are right now.
Lori: I want a donut…don’t you?
Kaely: Yes! A cronut!
Lori: In your opinion, have the bros been laxing really hard?
Kaely: It’s hard to say this time of year since the season has just ended. But I certainly hope so. They need to stay big for next year.
Lori: Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a Jonathan Rhys Meyers?
Kaely: No again. 😦
Lori: Is Kaely’s bathrobe your bathrobe?
Kaely: I hope so. I have like 4 though, so some of them might not be?
Lori: At least one can be Kunaal’s.
Kaely: I’ll give him the one with the pink and tan strips.
Amanda walked into a bar. What color is her left sock?
Kaely: Either blue or green, I think.
Lori: Are you bleeding from the ears or nose?
Kaely: Currently, no. But I haven’t just hit my head off of a taxi.
Lori: ARE YOU BLEEDING FROM THE EARS OR NOSE?
Kaely: Haha, I was hoping you would say that.
Lori: Are you crying right now?
Kaely: Very nearly
Lori: How many of your children will be named Macauly Culkin?
Kaely: If I have 13, I will name the 13th Macauly Culkin. The others will be 1-12.
Lori: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, would it be beef jerky or macaroni and cheese?
Kaely: Macaroni and cheese, without a doubt.
Lori: And finally…Do you have the monkeys?
Kaely: No, but where can I get them?
Lori: Agrabah, according to Aladdin.
Kaely: He’s got the monkeys!
Lori: OK, let’s do a lightening round of word association.
Kaely: I’m ready.
Lori: Jim Sturgess
Kaely: My love
Kaely: My other love
Kaely: Theater bro
Kaely: Art bro
Kaely: Horse bro
Kaely: Paperback, also writer bro
Lori: And finally, Club Drew.
Lori: I’m just going to finish off with the questions I ask everyone…what is your Mario Kart character of choice?
Kaely: Princess Peach or Yoshi or Wario
Lori: What is your Patronus?
Kaely: Hmmmm. I hope it’s a bird, but it’s probably, like, an earthworm. So, either something cool, or something that is eaten by something cool.
Lori: I figured you’d say Tucker or something.
Kaely: I should. He’s a big baby though.
Lori: Better than an earthworm though probably
Kaely: It might also be a meercat. Or one of those hopping gazelle things. I would really love to know for sure
Lori: I guess we all just have to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. They can probably teach us the charm there.
Kaely: Expecto Patronum!
Lori: We need wands first!
Kaely: I know. I really do need one.
Lori: I’d probably be evil. Or worse, a squib.
OK so before we finish, do you have any last words of wisdom/truths/things to be honest about?
Kaely: Yes. The truth is, I really hope it rains a lot tonight because it looks like it might and it’s been very humid.
Lori: It rained all day here, so maybe it’s making its way over to you.
Lori: Well, unless you have anything else, I’m all out of questions.
Kaely: Nope I think that sums it up. It’s been fun.
Lori: Yup. Thanks for doing this.
You can read more from Kaely here.