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Lori Interviews Rachel

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“A Wise Old Bird”

Welcome to the last (I think) edition of “Lori Interviews…” This month, we get to know Rachel “Rack” Denning a little better. We discuss all the important things in life, like boy bands, pizza, Nelly, cats, and Harry Potter. Read on to get a look into the eternal wisdom of Rack…

Rachel: Let’s do this dance.

Lori: Hello, Rack. Welcome to your interview. Can I call you Rack?

Rachel: You can call me Rack. I don’t respond to anything else really.

Lori: So I was wondering. Which Yankee is your LEAST favorite?

Rachel: Oh that’s debatable. I love them all, but a few need to just go away. A-Rod. He’s no good.

Lori: Yeah, he’s a jerkwad.

Rachel: Drama drama drama. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Lori: Now, as the eldest in our group, you have much to teach us about life and are an expert on many topics, correct?

Rachel: I suppose I am a wise old bird.

Lori: I was hoping you could discuss some of the topics you are most knowledgeable on. Starting with, of course, boy bands.

Rachel: One of my favorite topics.

Lori: On a scale of 1-10 how excited were you for the *NSYNC reunion at the VMAs?

Rachel: 25

Lori: On a scale from 1-10, how disappointed were you in the *NSYNC reunion at the VMAs?

Rachel: 1000. Personally, I thought the entertainment and performances the entire night should have been NSYNC.

Lori: When will Savage Garden be reuniting?

Rachel: Tomorrow I hope

Lori: We can only dream.

Rachel: Then dream I will.

Lori: How has your life been affected by your uncanny resemblance to Sporty Spice?

Rachel: I break out into song and dance all the time and hope that others will join me. My reaction to the NSYNC reunion was the same as the Spice Girls reunion during the Olympics last year actually. The 90s are making a comeback.

Twinsies.

Twinsies.

Lori: As we all know, cars are another specialty of yours. What is one thing everyone should know before they go to a car show?

Rachel: Undercarriages. Clearly everyone should know about them so they can discuss with other car lovers.

Lori: Since we’re on the subject of cars, what is your favorite Pixar movie? (Please don’t say Cars)

Rachel: It’s not Cars. Though this is a difficult question to answer. I’d have to say Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and The Incredibles. I can’t choose just one.

Rack knows all about undercarriages.

Rack knows all about undercarriages.

Lori: Fair enough.

Rachel: You can’t go wrong with any Pixar movie really.

Lori: Except Cars 2.

Rachel: Truth.

Lori: Let’s get back to things you are an expert on. Nelly.

Rachel: “Grillz”?

Lori: Duh. I actually don’t have any questions about him. I just wanted to point out what is probably my favorite Rack Fun Fact, which is that you know all the words to “Grillz.”

Rachel: It’s true. I couldn’t be more proud of this.

Lori: I couldn’t be more proud of you.

The last thing that I would say you are the world’s foremost expert on is procrastination. What are your favorite procrastination techniques? I could use some tips to fill my days. I mean, I work really hard and stuff….

Rachel: Procrastination is probably the one thing I am best at. Facebook and Twitter are the obvious go-tos. Youtube is fantastic. I would suggest StumbleUpon…I haven’t used it since my college days trying to avoid studying or writing a paper, but I imagine it will do the trick at work too. All about that social media, ya know?

Lori: Truth.

Rachel: Trying to learn the lyrics to your favorite song works. How else do you think I learned “Grillz?”

Rack posed for this picture especially for this interview. You're welcome.

Rack posed for this picture especially for this interview. You’re welcome.

Lori: I just assumed that you are Nelly.

Rachel: Shhhh.

Lori: I’ve never actually seen you guys in the same room at the same time, you know…

Rachel: I have a secret identity. I am Nelly.

Lori: I knew it.

Rachel: Rack. Nelly. Same person.

Lori: You are too good of a rapper not to be a professional.

Rachel: I know. It’s been a few years since I’ve had a real hit, and if you’d like, you can be featured on my next track. Lo Reita? Make your debut?

Lori: I would be honored. We’ll call ourselves LoRax and we’ll rap about Harry Potter and frozen yogurt.

Rachel: I like it. We’ll be a hit for sure.

Lori: It can’t fail. Now I want fro-yo. What is your favorite flavor/topping combination?

Rachel: Chocolate with anything chocolate. And peanut butter. And strawberries. Great now I want Red Mango.

Lori: What is your favorite form of pizza? Thin crust, English muffin, Bagel Bite, Totino’s, etc…

Rachel: I’m Italian, so real pizza is my favorite form of pizza. I enjoy thin crust. But Bagel Bites are just so, so good.

Lori: Pizza really is the best food in the universe, isn’t it?

Rachel: I’m not sure how anyone can live without eating it. I could live on it.

Lori: Agreed.

So how’s your imaginary cat Fred doing?

Rachel: Fred the girl, of course. She’s swell.

Lori: And Boots the Beast and Peanut the Bitch? How are they?

Rachel: Boots is the cutest jumbo cat there ever was and Peanut’s still a bitch.

This is Fred. Fred is Rachel's cat. There is no Fred. If you see a cat here, you are crazy.

This is Fred. Fred is Rachel’s cat. There is no Fred. If you see a cat here, you are crazy.

Lori: I figured. How’s Sampson? Can’t leave him out.

Rachel: The laziest giraffe in the world. He thinks he’s on summer vacation. But he’s good. Chillin’ like a villain.

Lori: Do you prefer riding horses or riding unicorns?

Rachel: Pegasuses, actually.

Lori: Yeah, they can fly. That’s pretty sweet. What’s your favorite exhibit at the zoo?

Rachel: Penguins. If you don’t like the penguins then don’t talk to me.

Lori: That’s a good choice because they are at both zoos and aquariums. You’re a smart lady.

What’s your favorite crayon?

Rachel: Macaroni and cheese. Because it’s my favorite food.

Lori: Okay, ready for game time?

Rachel: I am

Lori: Excellent. Let’s begin…Beach.

Macarrones con queso.

Macarrones con queso.

Rachel: Jersey Shore

Lori: Pumpkin

Rachel: Halloween

Lori: Tequila

Rachel: Margaritasssss yummy

Lori: Allyssa

Rachel: Big Al

Lori: Cake

Rachel: Cake cake cake cake

Lori: Amanda

Rachel: Mander

Lori: Keystone

Mustaaccche.

Mustaaccche.

Rachel: Suites. Sweat. Vomit.

Lori: Kaely

Rachel: Kay-uh-layyy

Lori: Barenaked Ladies

Rachel: Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?

Lori: Steve!

Rachel: Steeeeeve

Lori: Lori.

Rachel: Lo Reita. Lorax.

Lori: Bros

Rachel: Lax. So many thoughts when it comes to bros. I can’t choose a quick answer.

Lori: I know that one is hard. But that’s enough of that. Let’s finish off with some rapid fire questions.

Which Disney princess are you?

Rachel: Another tough question. Hmmm. I’d say looks I’d probably be closest to Belle. Or Jasmine. Personality, probably Pocahontas. I’m friends with lots of animals. Or Cinderalla. She’s friends with animals too. They all are, aren’t they?

Lori: Yeah, I think it’s a requirement

Which Hogwarts house are you in?

Rachel: Gryffindor

Lori: I’ll end it with the questions I ask everyone, of course.

Who is your Mario Kart character of choice?

Rachel: Toad. Light and quick.

Lori: What is your Patronus?

Rachel: I would say a horse makes most sense

Lori: And, finally, do you have any final words of honesty or Rack wisdom to leave us with?

Rachel: I do not. I can only reveal so much of myself at a time and I’m drained of all wisdom for the day. But should anyone be enlightened by my wisdom in person, consider it an honor.

Lori: I learn something new every time I talk to you.

Rachel: I’m glad to hear that.

Lori: Well, if you don’t have anything else, I think I’m all done here. There’s ice cream to be eaten and sleeps to be had.

Rachel: You have never stated a truer truth than that.

 

And, finally, I will leave you with this conversation that Allyssa and I had during my interview with Rachel:

 

 

Read more from Rachel here.

Read my interviews with Allyssa, Amanda, and Kaely.

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Author: Lori

Lori is a writer living and working in New Jersey. Her greatest literary influences are Dr. Seuss, JK Rowling, and Harriet the Spy.

4 thoughts on “Lori Interviews Rachel

  1. When can I pre-order the LoRax album?

  2. So… does this mean Nelly is performing at the birthday extravaganza?

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