A Day In The Life Of Your Pet(s).
My sister is awake. If I must listen to her constant chatter, I might as well plot my escape from this room. It smells like a litter box in here.4:02am:
Mom is not letting me out. I’m going to go sleep on her pillow as revenge. Wait? Does she like this? Wait, no! Stop! What does “Cuddles” mean?! I don’t like it!….oh, who am I kidding? Yes I do.9am:
I feel like we just went to sleep. Why is Mom waking up? No way, I’m going to stay asl – OMG she opened the door! Running!9:01am:
Eaaaattttttt this time in the other room. Yessssssss
Back to bed. Everyone, go away. Go. Away.
No one is paying attention to me. Time to remind everyone who the princess is around here.
No one appreciates my gift. Rude. I’m going to go stare out the windows and freak out the squirrels.
Found some food on the way there. In the same place it was before. Fancy that. Today is so good.
O.M.G. WHAT IS THAT? WHAT DID I JUST SEE? A BIRD? A SQUIRREL. I must run to the other window to follow it! You cannot escape me!
What? Where is it? Where has it gone?! All I see are leaves! Whyyyyyy. Whyyyyyy. I’m going to go to bed.
I see my sister is at the open window. I’m going to join her. Perhaps this time she’ll want to play with me. If not, she gets the paw.
Rude. Now I’m going to bed.
Who am I? Where am I? What…what year is it? Oh. Mom is still in here. Maybe she can tell me. Or feed me. Or play with me.
Oh look, water! Paw, paw, paw, paw.
Where’s my sister? I’m going to go freak her out.
Excuse me, is anyone paying attention to the baby of the house? Anyone?
A small, tightly coiled, lime green snake! I shall defeat you!
That was surprisingly inedible. So. I’m going to eat.
I’m out of breath. This is hard work. Where’s my food? Ooooo water. Paw, paw, paw, paw.
Where the heck is Mom going? Why is she getting dressed? Sneakers? Why? Those are SO NOT FASHIONABLE. Mooooooooooooooom. Moooooooooooooom. Where are you going?
Oh my god she’s left me here. To die. Alone. Oh my god. My kibble bowl is almost empty. My sister won’t tell me what she knows. I’m so aloooooooooooone.
The grandparents are home. YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER. I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU.
Grandma said the word “snack”! She’s not so bad.
Moooooooooooooooooooooom. Mooooooom. I’m falling into deep despair waiting for her. I fear that this time she really never will come back. I’m going to go sleep in the office until I waste away. But I’ll eat something first.
Can it be? Whose footsteps do I hear outside? It’s Mom! It’s Mom! She’s back! She came back for me! Act cool. After all, she was barely even gone at all. Oh look, Auntie Cesca is here with her! Girls’ night! Who wants to pet me first?
She left me. Mom and Auntie left me and they’re in the basement. I’m just going to yowl at the top of the stairs until they come back.
Ok. I’m going to bring them a feathery sacrifice. That should get their attention.
Auntie, pet me. Please. Mom doesn’t love me anymore. Purr purr purr purr
I was forced off of the couch. Curses. I’ll go back upstairs and plot my next entrance.
Sister says it’s time for dinner. God, I’m starving.
Don’t you realize Mom and Auntie aren’t going to feed us? Ever? STOP YAPPING. I’m coming after you, Sister!
Mom is back! Where did Auntie go?Where’s my dinner?
I smell tuna. I smell tuna. I love you, Mom! I hear kibble! Kibble too? Oh I am so lucky.
I know there’s tuna in there, and I’m starving. But I don’t want to go in the room. You can’t make me! Come chase me, Mom!
How does she always manage to catch me? And where does that little red bug come from? They must be working together, I can sense it.
You know what’s peculiar? I’m not even hungry anymore. I’ll chase Sister.
Do I need to poop? I might need to. I shall go wait by the litter box.
Nope. False alarm. I’ll eat a little.
No. I need to poop. Definitely.
Time to refill my belly.
Mom is talking to someone on the glowing, warm silver thing. He keeps calling me Licowish. I will bite him.
I can’t handle this. I’m going to bed. I’m sick of House Hunters. I hope the couple picks the 3rd house, by the way. Much more their speed. Bai.
Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hello. Are you awake? Hello? Hi? Mom. Mom. Mom. Mum. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Mom. Allyssa.
Mom just told me to “GO TO SLEEP” but I think that means “Please purr in my face and squeak in my ear.” Right? Right.
She yelled at me again. I think I’m supposed to go to sleep. And I am kind of sleepy. I love her. Always looking out for me.
Mom is making the bed. Evil! Evil! Scary! Under the bed I go. Bye.
Licorice is yelling for attention again. I’m going to stay under here. Safe. Dark. Cozy. Quiet. Ish.
Actually I have to poop.
Done in the box. Mom opened the window. She always does after I use the box. Probably because she knows how much I love the open window! Right?
GO AWAYYYYYYY. YOU’RE ANNOYING. I’M TOO OLD TO PLAY WITH YOU.
Mooooooooom, she’s looking at me!
I win. Thanks, mom!
Is that the DustBuster? Bye!
Is there any cheese in the kitchen? I love cheese. No one ever fed me cheese before Mom did. I love it. Cheese.
I don’t see any cheese, but I think there’s a squirrel out on the deck. Cool. Cool. Maybe if I talk to it, it will be able to hear me through the door? And it can bring me cheese? Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hello. No? Ok. Fine. I’m just going to sit here for awhile until someone brings me cheese.
Hi mom. Hi! Hi! I bet you can’t see me hiding behind the blinds! Hello! I’m looking out the door! Oh. She knew I was here. She’s good.
AHHH SHE SAID CHEESE. HI. HELLO. HI. YES. I CAN SAY “CHEESE.” CHEESE! This is the best house ever.
Well, now that I’ve gotten my morning snack, I can hide behind the curtains in Grandma’s room and watch the backyard from there. No one will find me!
Mom? How did you know I was here? How could see me through the curtains? I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear her and just stay very still.
How does everyone always find me here? Go awaaaaayyy. Leave meeeee. I just want peace.
Ok. Maybe everyone will forget that they saw me here. I’m going to nap in the sun.
I hear a bird! I have to go to the bed!
I can catch it! I don’t need nails to be a great hunter! I got ittttt. Oh shoot, here’s comes Licorice.
Mom is sitting at her desk. Did she forget about me. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hi. I’d like some cheese again or something. Hello.
I don’t think she can hear me, so I should tap her on the shoulder. Repeatedly. Hi. Hello. Love me.
Got some pets, so now I can go – OH MY GOD SHINY BALL OF DEATH. I WANNA HIT YOU.
Killed the ball. Time for selfies with mom!
Mom is gone. She left me. I’m so alone. I’ll just sleep the rest of my life. Good bye. Oooo, but now I get the whole bed to myself so…
MOOOOOOOOOM. YOU CAME BACK. OOOPS. Someone is with you. Back under the bed! Bye!
I miss Mom. I’m going to yap from the top of the stairs until she comes to pet me. But I’ll run away so she can’t catch me. I’m so cute.
I hear her, but she won’t come to the stairs. I’m sure as heck not going down there. Monsters!
Oh shoot here comes Licorice. Run to grandma’s room and hide behind the curtains!
Hungry. Hungry. Almost time for food. Time to start reminding Mom to get ready to feed me. Hungry. Hungry.
Officially time for Hungry. Mom. Right now. Hi. Hello. Hi. Mom. Hi. Hello. Right now. Hungry.
Stop chasing me! I’m too hungry to run! I’m faster than you! Give up, chubby!
Mom. Mom. I’m still Hungry. Right now. Thanks for coming back upstairs. Hungry. Right now. Hi. Hello. Hi.
Yessss food food food. Right now. Thank youuuuuu.
Stooooppp I just want to eat all my food in one sitting. Why can’t you just leave me be?
Must inhale the rest of my food.
Groom. Groom. Groom. Groom.
Mom is in bed! Time to sleep!
Mom has those white snakes in her ears again. Must bite! Bite. Bite. Purr purr purr purr
Got in trouble. Time to sleep. Gotta wake up in an hour anyway. Hope Mom doesn’t want this blanket because I’m going to sleep right on top of it. Knead knead knead knead.