Honesty Time

Keeping it real since 2013

Welcome to My Brain


8:30 am. I don’t know what to write about today. I was always told that if you have writer’s block, just writing anything will help. Just write whatever pops into your head and maybe something will inspire you. We used to do free writes in school. I always loved those. Maybe if I sort of liveblog my day, something interesting will come out of my head and inspire a blog post. Maybe. My head isn’t actually that interesting.

8:31 am. Best Reiter/writer/righter joke I ever heard: in high school I was standing by my friend’s locker while she got her books and the guy whose locker was next to hers walked over and said “I can’t get to my locker! There’s a Reiter block!” Puns.

8:34 am. Letting me blog on Thursdays was probably a bad choice. How can I not write about Survivor on Thursdays when it’s on Wednesday nights? All I’ll say is…last night was a great night for my boy Spencer.

8:40 am. One of my coworkers greets everyone on our half of the floor with a high five every morning. He’s always so happy. No one should be that happy this early in the morning. How does he do that?

8:43 am. I have the song “All I Need” by Mat Kearney stuck in my head. Because why wouldn’t I have a song about a couple surviving in a hurricane in my head on a beautiful day like today?

8:54 am. Now that I’m actually legitimately looking for an apartment closer to work, I’ve been thinking a lot about decorating. And by decorating, I mean bookshelves. I just want a house full of bookshelves full of books. So, like, a library, but with a bed.

9:03 am. Slinky, slinky, everyone loves a slinkyyyyy.



9:13 am. It just went from silent on the floor to really loud. Why do the sales people always travel in groups? Very loud groups.

9:17 am. And silence again.

9:28 am. Is this day moving slower because I am writing all of this down? It sure feels like it.

9:30 am. “Parenthetical” is a fun word to say.

9:35 am. It’s so nice out today. As Rachel just said to me over Gchat, can we have class outside today? The weather has been so miserable for the past 6 months. Two weeks ago, we played my first soccer game of the season in freezing rain. Last week, we played again, but this time it was just freezing, not raining. It’s supposed to actually be warmish this weekend. Not freezing to death will be a nice change.

9:41 am. Dear Ticketmaster, I am a 24 year old adult, why would you think I would want to go to an Austin Mahone concert? I don’t think I could pick him out of a lineup, nor can I name one of his songs. I don’t understand how you could think this was “hand-picked” for me.

9:48 am. Is a cragel just a bagel in the shape of a croissant? Or is it light and fluffy like a croissant but tastes like a bagel? These are the big questions of my life.


9:50 am. I’m going out for pizza tonight with my friends. I love pizza. Pizza, pizza, pizza. I want white pizza with broccoli. Or penne vodka pizza. Or buffalo chicken pizza. Or, or, or…PIZZA. As long as it doesn’t have mushrooms or olives, I want it in my face.

 9:52 am. I mean, I guess I’m also excited to see my friends.

9:57 am. I’m the youngest person in my family that can read Hebrew and Passover is next week so I have to read the four questions at our “Seder” (placed in quotes because we only do the parts we like and also we’re eating both brisket and lasagna which is the opposite of Kosher for Passover). So,I’ve been singing the four questions in my head. The image above is the first line in the song. Read it right to left. Transliteration: “Mah nishtanah, ha-laylah ha-zeh, mi-kol ha-leylot?” Meaning: “Why is this night different from all other nights?” There’s your Hebrew lesson for the day.

10:01 am. Mmm…I can’t wait for matzo ball soup.

10:15 am. My nail chipped and now one corner is sharp and I don’t have a nail file and it’s driving me crazy.

10:37 am. I can’t wait until my desk isn’t by the printer anymore. I just sit here, I don’t actually know how to fix the damn thing. No one seems to understand that, though.

11:34 am. I forgot that I was supposed to be doing this.

11:37 am. “Sing along with elevator music.” Dove chocolate gives the best advice.

11:38 am. Do you think anyone has ever confused a Dove chocolate bar with a Dove bar of soap? That would be unfortunate.

11:40 am. Remember that book The Chocolate Touch? I read it in elementary school. About the kid who gets the power to turn everything into chocolate by touching it, like King Midas. Sounds like the most delicious curse ever.

11:42 am. Is it too early to eat lunch? I’m hungry, but if I eat too early than I’ll  get hungry again this afternoon. And I’m not going out for pizza until 7. What a predicament.

11:43 am. Screw it. I’ll eat some goldfish crackers if I get hungry.

11:53 am. I think about food a lot.

12:23 pm. I’m so happy that Game of Thrones is back. You wouldn’t think that after waiting a year for this season, waiting one week for a new episode would be hard…but it is. Can’t someone make a buddy comedy called “Arya and the Hound” for us to watch in between episodes?

12:45 pm. We’re developing something called “Project X” at work. It’s supposed to be some big secret new project. It sounds way more intense than it actually is. I feel like they should have named it something even cooler, since they could. “Project Danger Zone.” “Project Ninja Batman.” “Project Avada Kedavra.” Maybe not that last one – that sounds more like a murder plot.

1:04 pm. So far this experiment isn’t working. I haven’t come up with any real ideas for a blog post. Maybe I’ll just post this weird timeline of my day. I’m not sure anyone will be surprised that most of my thoughts are food-related.

1:38 pm. If this dude doesn’t stop clicking his stupid pen, I might lose my mind.

1:42 pm. Rachel and I are talking about going to the beach. God, I miss the beach. I should go this weekend. I actually like going when it’s not a million degrees out. Hot weather and I do not get along. I like the beach the best when I have to wear a sweatshirt, but can still walk around barefoot. So like May or September evenings. When there aren’t any other people there, and there’s no chance of the sun burning my skin off. I’m very white, you see.

1:52 pm. Now we are talking about this:

1:55 pm. Wow, there is a lot of girlie squealing coming from the kitchen right now. Why do girls do that? If anyone ever hears me squeal, you have my full permission to punch me right in the face.

2:28 pm. If this day was going any slower, it would be yesterday. Did I just make that up? It sounds pretty good.

2:41 pm. Why did the Doug theme song just pop into my head? Do-do-do-do-do…

3:06 pm. Is it time for pizza yet?

3:17 pm. My coworker just said “Thank God we only do this for 8 hours a day, huh?” Sounds like too many hours to me.

3:18 pm. I feel like I should clarify that I have been doing work all day, in addition to doing this and talking to Rachel and Diana. I’m a good multi-tasker.

3:35 pm. There should be a rule about talking to other people in public bathrooms. As in, don’t do it.

3:45 pm. Some people, when they walk by, make my entire desk and computer shake. They aren’t heavy people, necessarily, they just walk heavily. They stomp.

3:46 pm. “Stomp” is a funny word. Say it. Stomp, stomp, stomp.

3:47 pm. 13 minutes until I can leave! I’ll post this when I get home, before I go out for pizza. I’m sad that this experiment didn’t produce any grand blog inspiration, but this turned into something interesting of its own merit, I think.

3:54 pm. Does it matter if I leave now or in 6 minutes? Why do the last few minutes of the day always go by the slowest?

3:57 pm. Okay, I’m shutting down. It’s good to know that my internal monologue doesn’t run much deeper than “food.” Now we know.


Author: Lori

Lori is a writer living and working in New Jersey. Her greatest literary influences are Dr. Seuss, JK Rowling, and Harriet the Spy.

2 thoughts on “Welcome to My Brain

  1. Wow, this record is impressive!

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