Honesty Time

Keeping it real since 2013

Birthdays Are For “Junk” Food


I’m old. That’s it. Officially old. Today marks it. I celebrated by doing some light sewing for my dancers and working with my interns.

My interns, speaking of, got me a $20 gift card to Rita’s. They know me so well. That’s a decent amount of Rita’s to be scarfed down there. Especially since I usually get a kiddie sized cup. I’m drooling just thinking about my next trip to Rita’s. I usually get the S’mores or mango flavor. Two very different tastes, but I always enjoy either, just never together.

How else did I celebrate? My Schmackary’s. Everyone knows I’m obsessed. I’ve written about these cookies before. I’ve been telling people for weeks that I was ordering a box of gluten free cookies from Schmackary’s for myself.

Talk about sassy. Ugh so good. Schmackary’s cookies have the perfect flavors and textures that I dream about at night. They are crisp on the outside, like a little shell, and “melt in your mouth” soft on the inside. How do they do it? It’s perfect. It’s so perfect. And almost all of the cookies have this little presence of salt that prevents the cookies from ever being too sweet, and it makes my mouth water, and it enhances every nuance of flavor.

Here are the cookies that I bought in my box.


Clockwise from Top left - Strawberries and Cream, Sweet corn, Lemon poppy, and the second Sweet Corn cookie. Drool. Attractive iPhone photo, no?

Clockwise from Top left – Strawberries and Cream, Sweet corn, Lemon poppy, and the second Sweet Corn cookie. Drool. Attractive iPhone photo, no?

Not pictured: Monster Cookie.

….Because I ate the last one today on the way home from work. It’s very filling. It’s another perfect monster cookie specimen. Gluten-free oats, M&Ms, chocolate, raisins, and peanut butter. I’m like “This is the perfect breakfast and/or snack because it’s totally good for me, right? Protein? Right? Anybody? No?” It’s heavy on the oats, so it’s definitely filling, but it’s not dry or hard or any of that. There are just the right amount of raisins in the batter to give a bite of sweet, fruity brightness every now and then. It was so good that I’ve finally forgiven all oatmeal and raisin cookies for whatever they did to me in the past to make me not like them. But still, they can’t ever hold a candle to this fabulous monster.


Strawberries and Cream

Ready to go back to your childhood? Eat one of these. Instantly that little cartoon captain is dancing around his pirate (?) ship on your TV set while begging you to eat fruity berry cereal. Yup, that’s what this tastes like. It’s childhood magic in a cookie. It has strawberries and white chocolate in it with a strawberry glaze on top. This bad boy is best eaten with a nice cold glass of (lactaid or coconut) milk. It’s just like eating that novelty, sugary cereal that I’m not allowed to eat anymore, except this cookie is never too sweet, and no one will judge me for eating the whole thing in a hot second (maybe).


Lemon Poppy

Imagine the best lemon poppy pound cake you’ve ever eaten. The perfect lemon bar. Combined. Now imagine them better. UGH this is so sinfully good! My taste buds are convinced that I’m eating pound cake. CONVINCED. I’m not sure what else I have to say about this cookie. It’s perfect, ok? Crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, tart, sweet, mouth watering. My second favorite cookie from Schmackary’s.


Sweet Corn

THIS is my favorite cookie. This is the perfect sweet and savory cookie. It has corn flour and corn meal, so the texture is on point – not too mushy, but crunchy on the outside and around the edges. There are kernels of sweet corn, pieces of pecans, and a sprinkling of dried cranberries all packed inside of this cookie. Now this cookie is a perfect example of that little salt pop I was talking about before. This is like if cornbread got a slightly sweet makeover and cooked in a shallow “all-edges” brownie pan. This cookie is everything and I’ve been rationing my remaining Sweet Corn pieces of heaven, but I have to finish them sometime soon. They are fresh baked, after all.


Ok, so now I can stop groaning about my Schmackary’s craving. It’s been satisfied. For now. But everyone should try a Schmackary’s cookie at least once in your life. Maybe more. Maybe a thousand times. I told all of my students to go get them next time they’re in the city. I even shared a piece of one of my cookies to convince them that I’m not crazy. That’s true love. I’d never share my Schmackary’s otherwise.

So between the Rita’s and the Schmackary’s and whatever I’m about to eat for dinner, I can truthfully say that birthdays are for eating whatever the heck you want, whenever you want, and however much you want. Last year, all I ate was pizza dip and Rita’s cake. Perfect birthday cuisine.

Anybody else have a special “birthday meal” or snack that they go crazy for?


Author: Allyssa Ellen

A costumer, a makeup artist, an educator, and a librarian, all rolled up into one convenient, fun-sized package.

3 thoughts on “Birthdays Are For “Junk” Food

  1. It was always a tradition in my family that whoever’s birthday it was got to pick dinner that night, and then whatever kind of cake they wanted. I can’t remember what we had for dinner last year, but I’m pretty sure the past 5 years or so, I always go for strawberry shortcake. It’s so summery, I’m making myself hungry.

  2. Lasagna! Every year I ask for lasagna.

  3. Pingback: Cookie Monsters | Honesty Time

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