I was at my parents’ house last weekend for Thanksgiving, so I decided to do another round of “This Week in Lori’s Life,” where I go through all my old journals and find the closest entry to this date. This time was actually way better than last time. For one, I actually wrote in December every year since I started writing in a journal. And two, because apparently the first week in December is incredibly eventful in my life.
So I picked a quote from my journal, then in italics underneath it, I wrote some present day commentary. I added some pictures for context. For some reference, I was 9 years old in my first entry from 1998, and 24 in my last entry from 2013.
December 1, 1998
Oh, I did go to see Waterboy with Jamie, David, and Jared. The movie is okay.
I remember this so well. I’m pretty sure this was the first movie I ever saw without parental supervision, although my older brother (David) was with me. Perhaps not the most appropriate movie for a 9 year old, a 10 year old, and two 12 year olds.
December 7, 1999
I brought in my science project. I thought it was good. It was on Mars.
That project was good. I rocked that 5th grade class presentation.
December 15, 2000
Okay, today was so much fun. After school, I was on the phone with Jenna for, like, 2 hours. We had the funniest convo. Then we went to the movies and saw The Emperor’s New Groove. It was dumb.
I can’t believe that I, self-proclaimed hater of talking on the phone, actually enjoyed talking on it for that long. And how dare I say that the Emperor’s New Groove was dumb?! That movie is hilarious.
December 15, 2001
Yesterday I went to da movies with Erica, Janine, Jason, Becca, Kadi, Stacy, and Brenton. It was so fun! We saw Ocean’s Eleven.
Wow. I saw a lot of movies around this time as a youth. None of those people are my friends anymore. Also, I did 100% actually say “da movies.” Proof:
December 8, 2002
I do like someone though – Tom. He’s funny but I’ve barely said two words to him. He sits next to me in Literacy now. He said something to me and I just sort of stared at him. I’ve never been like that before.
Oh, dear lord. I literally had no recollection of this Tom person and had to go back into my yearbook to look up who he was. And then I remembered. I had a HUGE thing for my friend Steve (see the next couple entries) but I, for a brief period of time, decided that I didn’t want to like Steve anymore, so I liked Tom instead. I have no idea what happened to Tom after 8th grade.
December 1, 2003
I’ve been thinking about Steve. I don’t think I’ll ever really get over him. He’s the most amazing guy ever. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, I still hope that I see him every day in the halls. Is that pathetic? I know I have to move on. Maybe one day we will get together, or even just become friends again, but until then, I have to stop thinking about him. He was one of my best friends last year and it kills me that I never see him anymore.
I want to go back in time and punch my 14-year-old self in the face.
December 3, 2004
There is seriously something wrong with me. It’s not normal that my heart starts beating faster every time I see Steve. That was in 8th grade. I’m in 10th grade now. I don’t even know him anymore. He’s probably not the same Steve he was then. I never get that way with anyone else. But with Steve it’s different. It’s always been different with him.
Seriously? I mean, listen, Steve was a really good guy and we were good friends in middle school. But then we didn’t have any classes together, not one, in high school. And there were, like, 3,000+ kids in my high school. We didn’t have many friends in common, so we rarely saw each other. I really have no memory of me being hung up on him for as long as I apparently was.
December 7, 2005
On a more frightening note, by this time tomorrow I’ll already be almost done with my first driving lessons. Holy crap. Ah. Get off the roads…
No, really. I was a really bad driver at the beginning.
December 11, 2006
I can’t help worrying. I don’t know where this is coming from. I’ve always looked forward to college, but for some reason last night I had one of those right before bed “what if” conversations in my head.
You know…”what if the only college I get into is Ramapo?”…“what is I go there and hate it?”… “what if I hate my roommate?”… “what if I never figure out what I want to do with my life?”… “what if I don’t stay in touch with my friends?”… “what if I don’t find the guy of my dreams in college?”…etc.
I can now answer those questions. I did get into other colleges. I didn’t go to Ramapo. I didn’t hate my freshman roommate. I still don’t think I know what I want to do with my life. I did stay in touch with the majority of the people I wanted to stay in touch with. And I did not find the guy of my dreams in college (and boy, did I NOT find him). But I think things worked out okay.
December 2, 2007
The Holiday Ball was tonight (or technically last night, I guess). Ali and I didn’t go. I didn’t feel good. Everyone else went. When they all came back at about 1 am, Sam, Joana, Kaely, Rachel, and Amanda hung out with Ali and me. Then me, Sam, Ali, and Kaely talked until about 2:15. As I was walking back to my room, Andrew stopped me to talk. He was obviously drunk. He went on about how everyone hates him and thinks he’s an asshole. So then I had to reassure him that’s not true. And now I’m here. Not sleeping even though it’s 2:45 am.
Hahahaha. It didn’t occur to me when I started this that my college’s Holiday Ball (“Ho Ball”) was at this time every year. That dance was always a hot mess. Freshman year, I was in a weird place when this dance happened. I was also not feeling well so I stayed in the dorm. Because I didn’t go, I didn’t find out until the next day or so that a lot of things happened that night that would end up affecting the rest of my freshman year. Things that are now so insignificant, it’s laughable.
December 7, 2008
Remind me to go home next year for the weekend of Holiday Ball. If I’m not in London, that is.
God. Where do I even start? Amanda, Kaely, and I got ready in my room. All was fine. Then we went over to Steve’s to pregame. We were there for about an hour, drinking and taking pictures. All was fine.
We got to the dance a little after 10. We decided there weren’t enough people at the dance yet, so me, Kaely, Amanda, Kirstie, Steve, and Toby went back to Steve’s. We drank some more, which was probably a bad idea. We went back to the dance. It was probably about midnight when we decided to leave.
We went back to Steve’s. That’s when shit started to go down. I noticed that my key was gone. I lost it at the dance. For some reason, Kaely started crying. Everyone was miserable at this point. Toby went back with me to look for my key. We didn’t find it but I appreciate Toby being there. He kept making me laugh because I was so upset. I know it’s stupid that I was so upset, but that’s just the way I am. I don’t lose shit. I don’t do irresponsible things.
Anyway, Toby and I went back to Steve’s. I made Toby walk Kaely back to her room, and Amanda and I walked back to ours. Then believe it or not…things actually got worse.
Amanda started crying. Then I started crying. We were being such emo kids, sitting in the dark and crying. It was pathetic. And knowing that only made me cry harder.
I hate Holiday Ball. Two years in a row and the night of Ho Ball has been the worst night of the year. Never again.
That night was so miserable. I feel like it’s also important to note that it was snowing that night too. So we were drunk, crying, wearing dresses, and in the snow. I think the best part of it all is that, the day before Ho Ball, I wrote in my journal “And this year there will be no crying (hopefully)!” Boy, was I wrong. Now, Amanda’s and my night of crying in our dorm room in the dark has become a joke, but it really was quite pathetic at the time.
December 5, 2009
This morning was hectic. Woke up at 3:45 am. Yikes. Matt and I ate breakfast, then started on our trek. I love that boy to death but, I swear, sometimes I just want to strangle him. He took us on this ridiculous bus adventure. Usually, I am all for those. But not at 4 am. And not when we have a plane to catch. We ended up getting to the airport at 6:15 for a 7:15 flight. Boarding closed at 6:45. Matt still had to print his ticket, so I went ahead. Security took forever. I missed the first tram to the gate. I got on the next one and ran to the gate. Thank God, I made it.
But where was Matt? Not on the plane. I freaked out. He missed the plane and was stuck in London. Or so I thought. I was really upset, but what could I do? So I flew to Copenhagen. I met Rachael and told her what happened. We wandered a bit. Rach went to class. I got a Facebook message from Matt. Apparently, he accidentally booked his flight for tomorrow. So he didn’t miss his flight. No, he’ll be here in the morning. He almost made me miss my flight, though. Gah. Matthew. Oh, well. What can I do? It’s over and I’m in Denmark, for God’s sake. I’m in Denmark with my best friend. No sense getting worked up over some stupid misunderstanding when everything worked out fine. And Matt will be here tomorrow. I can ring his neck then…
Ah, yes. I did miss Ho Ball our junior year, as predicted, because I was studying abroad in London. My best friend from high school, Rachael, was studying in Copenhagen, so I went to visit her. I brought my friend Matt with me. It was a really wonderful weekend, but it certainly did not start that way.
December 6, 2010
Today I had my last class of the semester. I have one paper, one presentation, and one final before the end of the semester. Until I only have one semester left of senior year.
Thursday was Amanda’s 21st birthday. About damn time. A bunch of us went to The Pub.
Friday night was Ho Ball. For once it didn’t end in tears, at least not for anyone I know. As usual, the pregaming with my friends was the best part of the night.
If I remember correctly, Ho Ball senior year ended in my friends and I crowded in my dorm room eating burnt popcorn. Way better than tears.
December 10, 2011
I’m stressed. I’m babysitting right now. The kids are finally asleep, but, boy, did tonight suck. It started fine, but M started screaming and crying and saying his belly hurt. It was horrible. It freaked me out. How the hell am I supposed to know how to handle a sick 2 year old? I barely know how to handle a sick 22 year old. It turned out fine, once I finally calmed him down.
I hate that this is what my life has become. This is not how I saw my life going. I didn’t work my ass off for 4 years of high school to get into Drew to spend the next 4 years working my ass off in college to be a babysitter. I resent it, honestly. I’m smart and I’m capable of so much more than this. But this is my life now. And I can’t even wrap my head around what went wrong.
Ah, yes. I remember this night well. I was in a really weird place at this point in my life – my cousin had just died and I was about to leave for my Birthright trip to Israel. I was stressed and sad and overwhelmed. And then the 2 year old I was babysitting got sick and I freaked out. Then I had a bit of a crisis about my life as a whole. Good times.
December 9, 2012
Last weekend was Amanda’s birthday. A bunch of us went out in Bayonne. It was a blast. I like Amanda’s friends a lot.
Things at work are weird. I feel so left out, which is my own fault. I’m so socially inept sometimes. I like everyone there a lot. I just can’t seem to get comfortable with them.
I’m never satisfied, huh? I finally got a real job, and all I can do is complain about how awkward I am around my coworkers.
December 8, 2013
Ugh. We went out last night for Amanda’s birthday. It was fun, but I got so drunk. We all did. And now I am so hungover. Like I said, it was fun. But I am seriously too old for this. I feel like my head is going to explode.
I’m pretty sure that after college, we replaced Ho Ball with Amanda’s birthday. They are the same time of year, and for whatever reason, we went from sloppy nights at Ho Ball to sloppy nights for Amanda’s birthday. At least we don’t cry on Amanda’s birthday. Last year was…rough. And we’re celebrating again this upcoming Saturday! Woohoo.