Here at Honesty Time, we have created a kind of language all of our own. To help our loyal readers better understand what we are saying, we have developed a dictionary/encyclopedia as a reference. You’ll notice that many of these words are ones that you recognize, but, I promise you, our definitions are not normal.
As you can see, this is an ongoing project. We’ll be updating it as we go, adding more definitions and pictures.
To learn more about any of our fun phrases, click on the links below:
Abortion Andrew/Angry Andrew: In a world full of Andrews, there are two that stand out above the rest. One with strong feelings about abortion. The other with strong feelings about video games. But what will happen when the Andrews meet and must face off? There can only be one!
Antique castle: Some people, while walking through Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure in Orlando, Florida, see the top of a giant castle and think “finally, I’ve arrived at Hogwarts!” Others just frolic around yelling “Look! It’s an antique castle!” even though it was built in ~2010.
Apple Licker: During the first few weeks of our freshman year of college, our friend Sam told a story about this kid in one of his classes who he watched lick his apple before taking a bite. Then, another student walked through the lounge where we were hanging out. After he walked out, our friend whispered “That’s the apple licker!” and, thus, a nickname was born that lasted through the years. This was basically our first group inside joke. It even grew beyond the people that were in the lounge that day. There is a legion of people who refer to this poor boy as Apple Licker, and he has no idea.
Bash Brothers: One year for Halloween, Lori and Rachel dressed up at the Bash Brothers from The Mighty Ducks. Lori was Fulton Reed and Rachel was Dean Portman. It was the best Halloween costume of all time.
Bear: There was a girl on our floor freshman year that we called “Bear” (it wasn’t a mean nickname, I promise). I don’t really remember why, but we used to yell “Bear!” all the time at each other. This became more of a catchphrase than a nickname.
Best Day Ever: Freshman year, Kaely, Lori, and their friend Sam (aka the Wicked Hot Best Friends) spent Sloppy Saturday watching lacrosse and eating candy. They named it Best Day Ever and celebrated it every year along with their other friends. It’s just a day for bros to bro out with their bros in their bro shorts.
Bros: I’m not sure that bros can really be defined. Kaely and Lori spent far too much time trying to do so. Bros are more than friends. They are, dare I say it…family? You don’t have to be a guy to be a bro. You don’t even have to wear polo shirts and frayed hats. You may not be a bro to everyone, but everyone is a bro to someone.
Bruce Slyworth, Apple Gore, Dwight Darby, Deter Smith: Freshman year, we decided we needed “drunk names” for our intoxicated alter egos. Kaely became Bruce Slyworth, Amanda became Apple Gore, Lori became Dwight Darby, and Rachel became Deter Smith. Allyssa didn’t have a name. She should get one.
The Call: The greatest boy band song of all time. And the perfect song to dance to in a car in the parking lot of a bar with your best friends before you go out for the night.
Candy Bar: The name of the bar we are going to open one day. It is a Willy Wonka-themed bar, complete with a Kaluha and chocolate milk river and giant rummy bears. At this bar, customers can purchase candy-themed drinks or regular brews (for the bros, of course), as well as being able to choose from a menu that includes all types of candy, cake, and mozzarella sticks.
Caaaaarl: If you care about Honesty Time, if you care about us, if you care about yourself, just watch Llamas with Hats. Then you’ll understand this definition. And you’ll understand why another one of our mantras is “Friendship is two pals munching on well-cooked face together.”
Carlos & Commons Dan: Our cafeteria in college was called The Commons. The staff there was the best, even if the food wasn’t. Carlos and Dan (dubbed Commons Dan by Lori and Allyssa) were two of our personal favorites. Carlos called everyone “my friends” and Dan used to answer everyone’s comments on the napkin comment board with amazingly witty responses.
The Chairman: One of the greatest characters in television history is The Chairman, host of “Iron Chef America” on the Food Network. I mean, just watch this.
Cheoff Geoff: If you haven’t learned by now that we are obsessed with the Food Network, then you haven’t been paying attention. Geoffrey Zakarian is a favorite, with his fancy suits and glasses. Here, we call him “Cheoff Geoff” because we’re clever and we like things that rhyme.
Colin: Amanda and Lori were roommates sophomore year, and they used to get mysterious phone calls on their room phone from people looking for Colin. No one knew Colin, and girls lived in the room the year before us, so it wasn’t one of them. Colin became our ghost third roommate. Anytime anything weird happened, we blamed him. Stupid Colin.
Concussions: When one of us, who shall remain nameless, suffered from a concussion doing something totally normal that plenty of people have done, she received a brochure on concussions from the school’s Health Services. The brochure had a list of questions to ask yourself when you suspect you have a concussion. It included “Are you bleeding from the ears or nose?” twice, which we found hilarious. Because, seriously, ARE YOU BLEEDING FROM THE EARS OR NOSE? You should probably stop reading this and go to the hospital.
Darren Hayes: Everyone remembers Savage Garden as one of the great boy bands of the 90s. I bet not everyone knows that one of the duo, Mr. Darren Hayes, embarked on an epic solo career after Savage Garden broke up. He’s brilliant, and everyone needs to know about him. Amanda and Lori learned all the words to his song “Bombs Up in My Face,” and you should too. You won’t regret it.
DougBenPaul: One day our friend Sam (he seems to be a common theme in many of these definitions, huh?) told all of us girls what he thought the men we will marry someday will be like. He told Lori that her true love will most likely be named either Doug, Ben, or Paul. From then on, we all referred to Lori’s dream man as DougBenPaul. True love.
Drunkapella: Sometimes when you get drunk, the only thing to do is have a sing-a-long. It helps if you are friends with a lot of the members of an acappella group. We found that the best drunkapella song is “Back Here” by BBMack. Because, duh.
Duct Tape Man: Sometimes when you’re bored on a Friday or Saturday night, you only have one option: wander around campus knocking on people’s doors, asking for duct tape. And then fashioning said duct tape into a superhero costume for your friend. And then watching as your friend almost gets into a fight with a douchey drunk baseball player…while still dressed as Duct Tape Man.
El mugs: Drunk texts often create the best catchphrases. In this case, who knows what Lori was trying to tell Amanda, but what she did say was “el mugs.” We found (find) this hilarious, and anytime we talk about mugs (happens more than you would think), inevitably someone says “el mugs.”
Faux bros: Even though we said that everyone can be a bro, there is such a thing as a faux bro. You may be rocking your bro shorts, your lax jersey, your frayed hat, and your leather sandals. You may even be listening to Jack Johnson or the Dave Matthews Band. But being a bro is about more than an outfit or musical tastes. Being a bro is a way of life. And if you ever find the urge to deny someone a high five or fist bump, who by all appearances seems like bro, trust your instincts. That is no bro of yours.
Foot five: The greatest SNL skit of all time is obviously The Mellow Show. Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, Dave Matthews…the real Dave Matthews playing Ozzy Osbourne. It’s perfect. And the greatest part is when Andy Samberg as Jack Johnson says “foot five to that,” which is something we say. A lot.
Glove: As discussed with el mugs, drunk texts are fun (when they are innocent and to your friends, not to someone they shouldn’t be sent to). Rachel texted Kaely “I glove you” and that became something we say to each other when we want to emphasize how much we love each other. I love you so much, I need to add an extra letter. I glove you.
He’s got the monkeys: The best part of Aladdin is during the song “Prince Ali” when the Genie’s background dancers say “he’s got the monkeys, he’s got the monkeys.” Yes. The best part of the whole movie.
Honesty Time: Long before it was the name of this blog, honesty time was what we called real talk. It started when Amanda, Kaely, and Lori lived together during the second semester of junior year of college. That was an emotional semester. It has continued over the years. Anytime one of us needs to violate #NoFeelings and talk about our submerged feels, we call honesty time. You have to be honest so your bros can give you advice and be there for you.
I hate everything that ever existed: There’s a magical YouTube video called “Super Mario Brothers – Frustration” that is a half hour of a man attempting to beat a level of a Mario game. Doesn’t sound exciting? Trust me, it’s amazing. We’ve all seen it multiple times, despite it’s ridiculous length. We still quote many things from the video, including “Good thing I have W blue sky lives” and “This is worse than Panic at the Disco” and “You’re breaking my balls, Mario” and “Fucking goombas,” etc. But the one that has really stuck with us is “I hate everything that ever existed.” It works so well in so many situations.
Is he cute?/Art thou cute?: The most important question any time someone mentions a boy is how cute he is. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy they like, a boy they work with, a boy they passed on the street. We need to know if he’s cute! And if you’re fancy, you can say “art thou cute?,” which, grammatically, isn’t the same question, but…you get it.
Janky: Allyssa and Lori first heard this word a few years ago on The Food Network. We basically use it in the traditional Urban Dictionary definition to describe something that’s kind of…wonky. Extra points if you use it along with the phrase “janky piece of armature.”
Jheri Curl: We went to college with a man with a beautiful, beautiful head of hair. We didn’t know his name at first, so we called him Jheri Curl. It suits him. Then Lori wrote a series of short stories based on the characters at Drew (it’s been lost in time, sadly), where she made him a fairy. His full title became The Magical Fairy Jheri Curl. It’s weird. Just go with it.
Jimmy Neutron: Oh, you think you know who Jimmy Neutron is and what he’s all about? How smug of you. Trust me, you have no idea until you’ve seen this. Yes, a group of college-aged girls became obsessed with a Youtube video about a children’s cartoon that was clearly created by ~12 year old boys. But, it’s gold. And we love the second video just as much. Some of our favorite quotes include, “I’m gonna slap you so hard, you’ll die,” “woop woop woop woop,” “Oh my God this working totally well,” and “Niiiick.”
Joey Parker: Joey Parker is the name of the male lead in the cinematic masterpiece Another Cinderella Story. You must watch this movie. As a way to pump him up to do something, Joey’s best friend constantly asks him “What’s your name?” and won’t let up until Joey answers back “Joey Parker!” It’s the best way to work yourself up to do anything. Try it.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers: In this case, we are not referring to the actor, even though he’s beautiful and we love him. Sophomore year, Amanda and Lori named their DVD player Jonathan Rhys Meyers, because obviously. And they were just thrilled with themselves when they would watch movies like She’s the Man and say things like “Jonathan Rhys Meyers would love to have Channing Tatum inside him.”
Kevin Brauch’s soul patch: As much as we love the Food Network, “Iron Chef,” and The Chairman, we hate Kevin’s Brauch’s soul patch.
Laxin’ Hard: This is a bro’s motto for life. Like, how some terrible people say “go HAM”? Well, bros lax hard, both on the lacrosse field and in life. So you better watch out, because the bros are laxin’ hard.
Lord of War & Groucho: There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are obsessed with fish and everyone else. Lori, Allyssa, and Amanda are definitely the former. Lord of War was Lori’s goldfish and Groucho was Allyssa’s. We’ve all owned many fish over the years. But none have meant as much as those two. They died around 4 years ago, but we still talk about them today. The fish holders understand.
Madre regala, muy importante: There are some movies that you love so much, you have to watch them again immediately. One time sophomore year of college, we watched The Land Before Time. And then we watched it again in Spanish. When Petrie says “Oooh mother present, very important” in English it’s funny. When he says “madre reglala, muy importante” it changes lives. We also frequently say “You’ve got a nice flat head, Flathead.” I think Petrie might just be our group spirit animal.
Magic/Magik: We are really into magic around here. Both of the Harry Potter variety and the cheesey card trick variety. One summer, a few years ago, we met a guy who called himself “Magik.” He turned out to be terrible. From then on, we decided that good magic ends in a “c” and bad magik ends in a “k.” So next time someone tells you that “you are never too old to adore a gorgeous guy,” know that you facing good magic. But the next time someone tells you they lost your phone number in a flood, you are definitely facing bad magik.
Mandy Moore!: As a human being, Mandy Moore is perfect. As an expression, even more so. Any time you have an emotion that you can’t figure out how to express verbally, try yelling “Mandy Moore!” It works. It can convey any range of emotions, from anger to sadness to happiness.
Matt Frown: If you ever walk into a bar and see a normal looking guy hanging out by himself, texting, he’s probably Matt Frown. Is he waiting for friends? Maybe, but they never show up. Is he trying to hit on other patrons? Perhaps, but he won’t talk to anyone. Is he an alcoholic? If so, he’s not a very good one, because at most you’ve spotted him drinking one or two beers. Matt Frown is a mystery for the ages.
Mean Girls Table: Senior year of college, Lori and Allyssa discovered the perfect table in the cafeteria. During brunch, it gave us the perfect view of the entire room, allowing us to judge our classmates’ walks of shame. On days when we were feeling particularly judgmental, we would sit on the same side of the table so we would both have the great view. We named it the Mean Girls Table because that’s exactly what we were being.
No guilt, no shame, and no punishment: During Halloween senior year, a strange, drunk man told Lori and Allyssa that we should live our lives with “No guilt, no shame, and no punishment” and that we should listen to him because he was a professor. Best advice ever?
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Okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s Kaely: A theme in our life is that Kaely says funny things while under the influence of alcohol. One time during our sophomore year, she texted a boy she just met a few minutes earlier to give him her number, and all she wrote was “Okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s Kaely.” Obviously this is hilarious and we say it all the time, usually as a way to try to calm ourselves down when we get worried or upset about something.
Old Gregg: Sometimes a YouTube video comes into your life and leaves a lasting impression. During our freshman year, our entire floor discovered Old Gregg, and it became a way of life. We even started calling Amanda “Amangina” after that video, which is up there on our list of gross and inappropriate nicknames. Even though we probably haven’t watched it in years, we still quote it from time to time: “love games,” “whatcha doing in these waters?,” “ever drunk Bailey’s from a shoe?,” “I like you, what do you think of me?,” “fuzzy little man peach,” “I got all things that are good,” etc.
Ophrahgate: It’s hard to actually pinpoint what this means or where it came from. Amanda and Lori bonded during their first semester of college in a class called “Oprah’s Book Club.” It was a real class that they got real credit for. Welcome to a liberal arts education. Anyway, they obviously became obsessed with Oprah, and turned her name into a verb: “Oprahgate.” So next time you ask yourself “what would Oprah do?” the answer is obvious: she’d Oprahgate that situation.
Pat O’Brien’s: None of us have been to New Orleans, but ⅘ of us did go to Orlando during Mardi Gras one year. Pat O’Brien’s is a famous New Orleans bar, inventor of the Hurricane drink. There is another one in City Walk in Universal in Orlando. And it’s amazing. It has a dueling piano bar that is probably the most fun any of us has ever had in a drinking establishment. Everyone needs to go right now.
Patrice: Patrice, while a real actual person, is also kind of a mythical creature. We befriended him our senior year of college when he was a freshman. But he was also older than most of us because he had worked for a few years before attending college. He started the year wearing suits everywhere he went. He ended the year wearing sweatpants and tshirts covered by a nice blazer. He really loved honey mustard on his sandwiches. He is the most amazing person any of us have met. He’s basically our spirit guide. And one time Allyssa and Lori witnessed him yelling at Public Safety: “I’m wasted! What are you gonna do about it?! I’m the 40 year old freshman. 40 year old virgin!” He was not 40. I think he was 23, but still. That’s the greatest thing anyone has ever yelled at a member of law enforcement, I’m pretty sure.
Peach Bitch: We play a lot of Mario Kart 64 (yes, the one on the Nintendo 64). While we all tend to fight over getting to be favorites like Yoshi, Toad, and Mario, no one should ever want to be Princess Peach. Or, as we call her, Peach Bitch. Why you gotta keep getting captured by a giant turtle dinosaur and forcing the poor lovestruck plumber to save you, Peach Bitch? God. You’re the worst.
Pooooon: One time our friend Matt bought our friends Steve and Kirstie this super cheap game that had a million different games in it. In between bouts of Guitar Hero, we decided to play it. And some clever person in the manufacturing of this game took what was supposed to say “oooooooo” on the back of bowling game added a “p” and an “n” to the word so it said “pooooooon.” Which Lori discovered and quietly said “Hey, guys, why does this say ‘pooooon’?” it became one of our most pervasive group inside jokes. One we still text each other regularly.
Post-It Wall: In Lori’s dorm room freshman year, Amanda started writing silly things on Post-Its and sticking them to the wall. This then evolved into the ultimate quote/inside joke wall. There was one on Lori and Amanda’s wall sophomore year too. It is a glorious thing.
Pubpubpub: In college, there was a bar on campus called The Pub. It’s where all the students who were 21 or older would hang out, especially on Thursday nights. Pub Thursdays were a big deal on campus, and our friends used to text each other “pubpubpub” whenever it was time to meet up.
Puggle: Puggles are the greatest of all dog breeds. Their beagle/pug heritage means that they will either become the cutest animal ever created, or the most terrifying-looking. Also, one time Kaely said “All dogs are puggles, but not all dogs have four legs.”
Rack: You have probably noticed that we often refer to Rachel as “Rack.” This nickname can be traced back to one time Kaely was trying to write “Rach” and accidentally wrote a “K” instead of an “H.” And for some reason it has stuck. We also sometimes call her Rack Dad, which is weird. But get used to it because this is Rack City, bitch, and we’re all just living in it.
Red Wedding in a Cup: One time we were all hanging out and decided to make strawberry daiquiris, so we bought one of those mixes that has the alcohol included. It was the most horrible drink ever consumed. This happened pretty soon after “The Rains of Castamere” episode of “Game of Thrones” aired, hence the nickname for the drink: The Red Wedding in a Cup.
Sassy: We use this word a lot. The origins can be traced back to when we were looking up Halloween costumes one year and noticed that all of the plus-sized costumes on this particular website were called “sassy.” You’re not fat, you’re sassy. So we started using the word sassy as a synonym for fat. We use this word so much that sometimes I think we forget that most people don’t actually have the same definition for it as we do.
Shannon Rose: Shannon Rose is a bar in New Jersey with a few locations. And every time we’ve gone to one, we’ve had a magical experience. Sometimes magikal, depending on who you ask. It’s hard to explain exactly why we always have such odd experiences every time we go to this bar. Something about going to, for all intents and purposes, a really nice bar that happens to be located in a strip mall next to a pet store, leads to us having really weird encounters with really odd people. It’s where we met Matt Frown, which should say enough.
Show me your genitals/gentiles: Jon Lajoie is a musical comedic genius. His videos are the best, especially “Show Me Your Genitals” and “E=MC Vagina.” We quote this video a lot since we first all watched it together about 6 years ago. “Women are good for three things: cooking, cleaning, and vaginas,” “I can make good sex to you. Cause I’m really good at sex,” “Knock knock, who’s there? It’s me, wondering why you’re not naked. Knock knock, who’s there? Me again, still wondering why you’re not naked,” “Bitches love my penis ’cause it’s really big,” etc. Also one time Lori accidentally typed “Show Me Your Gentiles” into YouTube, which is hilarious for many different reasons.
Sigfried: I think that if you’ve gotten this far on this list, you understand that we did a lot of weird things in college. You have a lot of free time, so…things happen. One time, when Lori and Amanda were living together sophomore year, they decided to do arts and crafts. And they created, well, Sigfried:
Sloppy Saturday: There’s a tradition at our alma mater called Sloppy Saturday, where everyone spends the last Saturday before finals getting day drunk and running around campus. It’s a glorious day. In fact, it’s the Best Day Ever.
Sluts!: Similar to how “Mandy Moore!” is an all-encompassing catchphrase, “sluts!” conveys a similar message. Remove the general definition of the word “slut,” and just say this as an exclamation. You won’t regret it.
Snack Chat: Snack chatting is similar to Honesty Time, except that it involves food.
Steeeeeve: “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” is the best movie. And, without a doubt, the best character is Steve the Monkey. He has a monkey thought translator and says amazing things like “Steeeeve” and “yellooow” and “excited!” and “scared.” and “gummy bears.” Watch this.
Taco Tuesday/Nacho Wednesday: In college, one day a week in the cafeteria was always Taco Day. When it was on Wednesdays, Rachel and Lori used to meet for lunch every week and make nachos. Then they changed it to Tuesdays and everything was terrible.
Tall, Tall, and Tall: We are really into the nicknames here. One time, Lori’s friends from high school were visiting us at college, and we went out to this party and befriended some guys. Lori’s friend named them “Tall, Tall, and Tall” because they…were taller than us? I don’t know. But that’s what they were known as for the rest of college. They actually knew of these nicknames, and we hung out with them quite a bit over the years. We called them “Tall,” “Medium Tall,” and “Little Tall,” and they called us “The Tall Girls.” It’s a beautiful friendship.
Thick: Similar to “sassy,” “thick” is a better way to describe “fat.” Rappers understand.
Thunderbolt: One time our friend Cortney told us about how, when she was a kid, she used to pretend to be a horse named Thunderbolt and gallop around her house. She then demonstrated by jumping over our friend Abby.
Tic Tac Challenge: At the end of every Waffle Monday, you must play the Tic Tac Challenge. In this game, all participants get a Tic Tac. The goal? To see how long you can make the mint last. You must time yourself and go on the honor system. Everyone has their own strategies. This game is great for keeping you entertained during night class.
Toilet baby: Ever see the TLC show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”? If not, you are surely missing out. Basically the concept is that these women have no idea that they are pregnant until one day they go to the bathroom and poop out a baby. We love toilet babies.
Trulch: Another word that derived from when Allyssa and Lori used to watch the Food Network together on a regular basis, a trulch is a monster that can only be described as “janky.”
Truths: Before Honesty Time was a thing, Allyssa and Lori randomly decided one night that they were going to be honest with everyone. They called it “Truths with Lori and Allyssa” and it became a tradition. On Truths nights, nothing is off limits. We’re going to lay down some real truths on the world.
Turkey laugh: Sometimes, really annoying girls have really annoying laughs. And those laughs sound like he turkeys from the South Park N64 game. See, at 46 seconds.
Waffle Monday: There was a semester where a bunch of us had classes on Monday nights. Before class, we would all meet for dinner. To make ourselves feel less miserable, we would often eaten waffles for dinner, with or without ice cream. This became known as “Waffle Monday,” and it is the most holy of holidays. Every Waffle Monday would end with a round of the Tic Tac Challenge.
Walter Ballsner: “What’s his name? John…Jack…Joe…Walter?”-Sam “What, Ballsner?”-Kaely “Yes, his name is Walter Ballsner.”-Lori. Another brilliant conversation between the Wicked Hot Best Friends that led to an even more brilliant nickname. Like Apple Licker and Jheri Curl, the name Walter Ballsner became bigger than our group of friends. Another person who has no idea that a very large group of people only know him by the most absurd name.
Wicked Hot Best Friends: On the original Best Day Ever, Kaely dubbed herself, Lori, and Sam the “Wicked Hot Best Friends.” It is a sacred bond that cannot be broken. Unless you do something unforgivable, and you’ll be temporarily demoted to “Kind of Cute Best Friend.”
The Wrapper: Our freshman year of college, there was a man that worked in the cafeteria that would make a different wrap every day of the week. Rachel and Lori named him The Wrapper. Our personal favorite day of the week was Turkey Club Tuesday. One day, The Wrapper just disappeared, never to be heard from again.